Grams....

     My grandmother Joann Roles was 65 years old May 10, 2010 and passed away from complications of lung cancer on September 1st 2010. She was a Taurus, a strong willed full of life person. She didnt back down from anyone or anything. She had a hard life until she met my grandfather in her late 30's and they got married and never looked back. She was taken to soon but I am so grateful for the time that I had with her. I realize now how important the people in our lives are and how important it is to cherish each moment. I can remember walking out of her house with Declan after she met him for the first time and thinking, "Oh i forgot to ask grandma about her butter bean recipe, oh well i will ask her next time I see her." Unfortunately that was the last time that I was able to see my grandmother.

    I am thinking about her alot lately. One of my coworkers wife has cancer and it is still so fresh, the loss of my grandma.I think it isnt fair, she wont get to see her miracle baby grow up. She was such a big supporter of my marriage to Kyle and she was a huge supporter on our road to concieve a baby. When I let her hold Declan she cried and then she apologized for crying lol She said, "You are such a blessing from God, thank you Jesus thank you Jesus!" I can hear her voice as she cried and held her first great grandson and spoke these words to him. She was so proud that I was nursing him and told me that if I decided to try formula to use soy because it is easier on their tummies. Oh how I wish I could call her for advice, I used to call her on my way home from work and she would say "Are you driving and talking on the phone!? Call me when you get home." Such a crazy lady but she was our crazy lady. Ugh the pain of her death resonates in my chest, I feel the lump in my throat and the tears sting my eyes as I think of her. Mostly of all the things she wont get to see.

    But we cant be sad, she lived a wonderful full life and is in heaven with my papa. She told me, "When I die dont be sad. I will be up in heaven dancing with your grandpa. You should have a party and celebrate that I am with papa Frank again." So I will continue to miss her and as days go on I will heal but never forget my Grams.